It was years ago when I learned the meaning of “persona.” I was part of a weekend retreat team teaching couples a communication technique to help them see the “mask” they wore in relationships. A mask often covers our true feelings.
The word persona comes from the Latin word “mask.” How revealing is that? Persona is defined as “The role that one assumes or displays in public or society; one’s public image or personality, as distinguished from the inner self.” In psychology, this relates to a personal façade, which is: “the image of character and personality that somebody wants to show the outside world.”
This all means that who we are on the inside may look and feel very different than how people see us from the outside.
The real issue behind the mask is that of being our true selves. Let’s take a look at that.
Some time ago, I noticed that when I had a hard time saying no to someone when asked to do something I didn’t really want to do, the word, “Sure,” came out of my mouth. It was delivered in a sort of high-pitch, drawn-out lie, “Suuurrre,” that if listened to in slow motion, would clearly be a painful plea to my true self to step up to the plate and just say no. Alas, my persona of a really nice person usually spoke up first. See? That’s how it works. We behave in ways we most want others to see us in order to meet our need for love, respect, acceptance, appreciation, and other good stuff.
My true self is also a really nice person who wants to be liked by others. This means that my persona and my true self have many of the same qualities. So, what’s the difference between putting up a façade, and being authentic? How do we catch ourselves in the “act?”
It boils down to whether we are being true to ourselves. And we can only know this if we are in touch with our feelings about life situations.
For example, I know someone who wears a “Happy Go Lucky,” mask. It comes from receiving messages as a kid that being angry or negative is unpleasant, so she grew to believe that people would not like and accept her if she showed her anger or any negative feelings. You can imagine the consequences for her and for those who know her. On one hand, she appears to be the easiest-going woman around. Yet for her, so many irritations simply get swept under the rug. Resolving conflict doesn’t happen. The dirt pile grows and before long, she and anyone in a relationship with her, can’t help but trip over it. Those who know this person can see through her persona like a mask worn thin. But habits are hard to break, and our persona is the most common habit we have!
When we don’t allow our true selves freedom of speech and self-expression, we are affected physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Also, friends and family cannot connect with us at a deep level if we can’t communicate authentically.
Recognizing the mask we wear is important so that our persona does not grow to fit our self-image more tightly than the reality of who we are as our true selves.
For me, those I love and trust the most tell me that “silliness” is one of their favorite qualities of my true self. They also know that it is the one trait I hope never shows its face when trying to impress others with my mask of the “Wise Woman.” Unfortunately, life is simply less fun when I hang out as her too much. Being aware of this helps me practice being true to myself, thereby changing the habit of trying to hide behind a mask.
Do you feel like the real you is hidden beneath a persona that masks who you want to be in the doing of life? Be Humazing is about living purposefully to give your life meaning as an investment in yourself and your well-being.
(Photo by Artist, Bradford Humphrey, of Brad Humphrey)
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