Who do you know and love that you let speak to you like this?
“That was stupid!”
“When are you ever going to learn?”
“You can’t do that!”
“You ought to be ashamed!”
“You look fat/old/unattractive.”
This so-called friend of yours is likely the most hurtful person in your world. They speak to you every hour, every minute, of every single day. It is your own negative self-talk. It is the Saboteur, the Gremlin, of your thoughts and ideas. The one who means well (by trying to straighten you out) in trying to keep you safe from failure, and harm. However, this self-esteem-deflating voice is the one responsible for holding you back from being the peaceful, productive, and engaged person you truly are.
Within every one of us, there are (at least) two forces at work in our development as human beings. One is the Saboteur/Gremlin, he or she who lives in your mind and communicates with you (as a self-assessing thought) in every waking hour. The problem with this voice is that it is very good at making you believe it represents fully who you really are. After all, the thoughts are your own, right? However, while it is good to notice this voice, there is another wiser, kinder, force within you. This is your True Self,
Your true self is your best self, the core of your being. How often do you hear yourself say kind, forgiving, friendly, self-talk? Many people have never heard the voice of their true selves—their best selves. We beat ourselves up more often than we comfort ourselves and love ourselves in self-compassion.
What would it be like for you to stop engaging in mind chatter with your negative self-talk and to start purposefully treating yourself with kindness and love? What if the next time you hear yourself say, “That was stupid,” you find words of comfort to offer the inner you who is hurt because of your mistake? It takes practice to do this because of the habit of negative self-talk.
Catch yourself in the process of self-esteem battery. Notice only! (It may be easy to further slap yourself on the forehead while you are trying to break this negative habit.) Instead, imagine one person you love most in the world. What do you want for them? Do you want to emotionally beat them up? Think of comforting, encouraging, words of love and support. Offer yourself these words. Remember that you are your own best caretaker. If you do not practice mental and emotional self-care on yourself, you risk believing you are less than you truly are.
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