While walking around Lake Harriet, in Minneapolis, MN, I thought about how habits are a form of attachment. They are both good and bad. Attachment is defined as “an extra part that fixes on,” (sounds like a leach we might pick up while swimming) and as “affection and devotion.”
In the case of Karl, who walks his dog, Barkley, around and around the lakes, his attachment to the walks, and his dog, is out of affection and devotion. At the same time, this routine and habit of pleasure and socialization have gotten in the way of Karl’s self-discipline of self-employment. He told me that he’s come to realize that his indulgence in spoiling Barkley is his way of procrastinating when it comes to doing projects he is less interested in tackling. And, to tell the truth, he adds, Barkley doesn’t want to go for the long walks as much as Karl wants his help with distraction.
So, in many ways, we can say that Barkley led Karl to me, and our meeting has led Karl to set new goals through coaching.
We all know how difficult it can be to look within ourselves and speak honestly to others about what’s going on. Often, our lives feel like a messy room we just want to move out of. Yet, an outside appearance shows that all is well organized. Living with this “untruth” causes stress for those who hold honesty, authenticity, and integrity as high values.
Coaching helps clean up the interior spaces of our lives by working through what feels “messy” by talking with someone who holds no judgment of these things. A coach becomes a coach because they have it themselves to believe (often more than the client) that clients are completely capable of success in their own lives. Let’s call it belief in the human spirit to grow to its potential.
I asked Karl what Barkley would say (if he could talk) about Karl, his business, and his attachment to walks. I’ll tell you what, that Barkley is one smart dog! And since Karl was doing the talking for him, well… Karl’s got it going on. Here’s the gist of it.
Barkley: This guy loves me. He tells me everything, man. If he’d listen to his own wisdom while he speaks, we’d have more steak on our plates. See his problem is that he doesn’t trust himself. He’s gotta filter the whole world’s views through his thought process before he can make a move. And guess what? That leads nowhere because there is always someone who isn’t gonna like the plan.
Viola! Once we unveiled the issue that is the stopgap for Karl, it gave us lots of room to go forward. We began with finding his current perspective (viewpoint on Barkley’s comments) and then looked for other ways of looking at his situation. Before long, Karl chose the way he’d like things to be, and we’ve been working on how to make that come to life for him.
Karl likes having a coach because of the accountability factor. Working alone, he is his own boss, and sometimes the boss is too lenient for what Karl says is for his own good. Until he breaks out of the habit of attachment (to distraction) I simply ask the questions that cause him to want to stand firm in his value of integrity to his plan of action.
Meanwhile, Barkley lies in the shade more than he used to, and says with a lazy eye half open, “Life is good.”
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